


touch that little dangly dang that swing in the back of my throat

by ships_to_sail



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Blow Jobs, Coitus Interruptus, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Two Cocksluts in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:09:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26422423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ships_to_sail/pseuds/ships_to_sail
Summary: “I thought you said no sex at work.”“I said no sex on the floor, and look how that rule worked out."
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 10
Kudos: 190





	touch that little dangly dang that swing in the back of my throat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yourbuttervoicedbeau (kiwiana)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwiana/gifts).



> this is unbeta'd, unrevised filth that wouldn't leave me alone. I promised beau porn if they cracked through some writing goals and they did it so this is their....reward, I guess?

It’s a Thursday afternoon and the store is as dead as it always is, so of course David doesn’t see a problem sinking to his knees behind the counter. Doesn’t see the issue with digging his nails into the soft, easily-marked skin of his soon-to-be husband and dragging him the last few inches, until the crotch of his jeans is pressed into David’s face and all David can see is mid-range denim, all he can smell is  _ Patrick _ . 

It takes David no time at all to pop the button on the front of Patrick’s jeans, aided by the slightly wider stance Patrick takes, even as he says David’s name with that hint of warning he puts in his voice when he’s trying with all his strength to hold on to the last shred of rule-following decency.

Patrick says something that sounds like, “We shouldn’t”, before David’s lips are around the head of his dick, pressing his tongue into the slit in that way that makes Patrick’s stomach twist, makes the muscles of his inner thighs press together. David chuckles, the sound low as the vibrations shoot right through Patrick and he exhales a long, shaky breath before dropping his hand to David’s hair, to the shell of his ear, the edge of his jaw as it stretches around Patrick’s cock. 

“Hi, Patrick!”

David goes so still, it’s like he’s been turned into literal stone. His throat is filled with Patrick, precome leaking across the back of his tongue, Patrick sort of hunched over the counter on his forearms, and even though David isn’t looking, can’t look, keeps his hands trailing soft lines up and down Patrick’s inner thighs, his tongue relentlessly tracing the vein on the underside of Patrick’s dick, he can see Patrick’s face.

Can see the wide-eyed, buffering face of panic as their interminably quiet Thursday afternoon just became the thing that might get them arrested. 

“Hey, Joce! What, why — what can I do for you?” Patrick’s tone is friendly but clipped more than it usually is. 

“Oh, you know us! More applesauce for Rollie Jr. I was also hoping maybe David might be around? I have a couple of last-minute questions about his mood board for the Neuterathon?”

“Huh!” Patrick makes a high pitched noise as David’s fingers brush his balls the next time they travel up his leg, at the same time that David’s teeth scrape softly around the crown, the littlest bit of pressure outlining the possible edges of pain, just enough that Patrick can’t seem to find the next word in the sentence he’s trying to make. “David?! David is, uh…” David’s head starts to move, slowly, so slowly, his lips dragging up and down Patrick’s length as he gives the most silent blowjob he’s ever given, including the time he gave one in that old silent movie theatre in the East Village, smelling of popcorn and the metallic remnants of cocaine in the back of his throat.

Needless to say, David is a million times happier on his knees in the front of his store, trying desperately not to laugh as his husband stutters and stammers his way through a conversation with perhaps the kindest person least likely to ever let them live this down — and his best friend is Stevie, which is saying something.

“You know, David just went down — out! He just went out, to grab lunch. From the Cafe.”

“He did? I just came from there and didn’t see him.”

“Oh, well. You — you know. Maybe. His sister?” Patrick gasps, tries to cover it up with a cough, grimaces at Jocelyn in something that’s not quite a smile but is trying it’s best. 

“I thought she was out of town with Ted this week?”

Patrick’s breath shakes, and he starts to shrug his shoulders and move his head in this weird, half nod, half shake that makes him look like the two hemispheres of his brain aren’t working together.

It doesn’t help that David currently has Patrick’s cock back in his throat and is swallowing around it, a slow and controlled constriction that’s driving him absolutely insane, if the amount of pre-come leaking down David’s throat is any indication.

“I don’t know, then, Joce,” Patrick’s breath is razor-thin, “but I’m sure he’s coming. Back. Soon. I’ll tell him you’re looking for him?”

Jocelyn’s eyebrows drop towards one another, but she nods her head slowly. “Yeah, Patrick. Of course. Are you feeling okay, hon? You’re looking a little...out of sorts.”

“Mmhmm,” Patrick presses his lips together and sort of whines his response back to her, nodding his head so fast David’s afraid it’s going to fly off his neck. “Yeah. Yes.” One hand presses David into his crotch, forces his dick so far into David’s mouth he’s practically choking on it as Patrick comes, hot and hard and silently, the other hand splaying flat on the countertop. “Feeling great,” he says hoarsely, and Jocely looks at him warily, but nods, walking to the front display case and grabbing a handful of the artisanal applesauce that’s made the Schitt’s such regular customers.

“Okay, but. You’re starting to get that sweat sheen Roland gets after our couples massage, and I know there’s been a case of the ickies going around the high school…” she trails off and shrugs, passing him her credit card as he makes quick, if slightly shaky work, of bagging her applesauce and passing both that and the card back to her with a smile.

“I appreciate that, Jocelyn. But I’m doing  _ fine _ , I promise. I’ll tell David you came by, have him call you tonight?”

“Perfect,” Jocelyn nods her head smartly and tucks the bag under her arm. “You have a great rest of your Thursday afternoon, Patrick.” She looks around the store, and then back to Patrick. “Looks a little dead in here, hopefully things pick up a bit!”

“Oh, I have no doubt they’re about to. Bye, Joce.” He tosses her a small wave as she makes her way out of the store, only looking back over her shoulder twice on her way out.

As soon as she’s around the corner, Patrick bolts backward from the counter and David falls over, tears of laughter rolling down his face even as the blood goes rushing back into his calves from the crouching.

“I can’t believe you just — here, in the store, and with Joce and —”

“Hey! You came, didn’t you?!”

Patrick’s jaw drops, and a little scoff escapes as his eyes fall to the corner of David’s mouth. He reaches a hand down to help David up, but first, swipes his thumb at the corner where David missed a drop of Patrick. He swipes it up and nudges the tip of his thumb between David’s lips, his eyelids fluttering as David’s lips wrap, his tongue swipes, his teeth graze and then Patrick is pulling David to his feet. 

“I did. Now get back there.” He pushes David gently towards the back room.

“I thought you said no sex at work.”

“I said no sex on the floor, and look how that rule worked out. Now,” Patrick’s eyes darken and his eyebrows raise. “I’m going to go lock the door, so I don’t have to look our neighbors in the eye this time when I slide your dick in between my thighs. Any questions?”

David’s mouth goes dry and he shakes his head. Patrick nods. “Good. Now. Go on.”

He doesn’t have to tell David twice.

He rarely does when his dick is involved. 

**Author's Note:**

> title from [ the only porn-writing song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc5IbN4xw70) you'll ever need again


End file.
